To a Malfoy
by civilized
Summary: And so that stupid dish ran away with my spoon. somewhat crack!fic-y. strong language. fluff. humor. dramatic Pansy being dramatic.


Hello, lovelies!

This is my first experimentation with this site, so I hope you enjoy!

**Some Notes:**

- this is told from Pansy Parkinson's perspective.

- it's set some time after DH.

- it's fun. it's not meant to be serious, and it's certainly a bit of a crack!fic.

- finally, I think I should warn you that this fic is... interesting. I kind of went all out. I don't know what I was thinking.

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She's getting re-married.

Yes, that's right, Astoria Greengrass is getting re-married. Astoria Greengrass, who can't even get up the stairs without tripping over her own feet, who can't even hold a conversation without losing her train of thought, yes, _that_ Astoria Greengrass, she's getting re-married.

To a Malfoy.

But, my lovely little diary, it doesn't stop there because not only is it _a_ Malfoy, but it's _the_ Malfoy. _The_ Draco Malfoy. Don't you see the problem?

_My best friend,_ Astoria Greengrass, is getting married (never mind the fact that she's being totally selfish because she's already had a husband and divorced him, making this her _re-marriage_) to my _boyfriend_ Draco Malfoy. Can you imagine such a friend? Can you imagine what was going through my mind as she told me this? Well I'll tell you: the only thing that was on my mind was the earth-shattering sound of my delicate and fragile heart being ripped in two by my 'best friend'. Because she'd announced (and quite happily, I might add, obviously not caring how much pain she was causing me) that she was marrying (yes, I know, _marrying_,) Draco Malfoy. My _boyfriend,_ Draco Malfoy.

I mean, I suppose if we're being technical and all that, he's actually my ex-boyfriend.

But, ex or not, I love him and that's all that matters. Who ever really gets over their ex, though, am I right?

So maybe we've been broken up for like, almost kinda eight years, two months, and six days. And fourteen hours.

And fifty-eight minutes.

And it's not like I'm even _trying_ to count it out, either. It's just that if he and I can't establish a trusting relationship, then we'll never work. And I've now made it clear that he can always trust me to know exactly how long we've been broken up. Which is now eight years, two months, six days, fourteen hours, and fifty-nine minutes. And, upon checking the clock, thirty-four seconds, too.

So can you see how heart-wrenching it would be if someone, namely Astoria Greengrass, current ex-best friend, were to tell you she was about to pull the most selfish move ever and marry the man who was (eight years, two months, six days, and fifteen hours ago) currently dating you? Can you _see_ how heart-wrenching it'd be?

It's really heart-wrenching, just so we're clear.

Like, so heart-wrenching, I don't think the light of day will ever shine as brightly as it did before I was told that tearful news.

The sky's once breathtaking cerulean has become pale. The ocean has risen with my salty tears.

The entire world is losing color and fading into nothingness.

And all of humanity's meaning is being bleached until it's so dull it's pretty much gone.

And it's all because of that – because of that _bitch_ Astoria Ex-Best-Friend Almost-Malfoy Greengrass.

And the worst part? Well, I'm going to have to go to her wedding and hide my misery behind the title of 'Maid of Honor'. I'm going to be crying and suffering and watching as my boyfriend gets married to my ex best friend, and I'm going to have to pretend to be happy about it.

In fact, this is probably all part of her plan. Astoria Stupid Greengrass probably just wants to watch me slowly die as I drown in a bathtub full of my own heartbreak and despair.

What a bitch.

But what_ever_. 'Cause you know what I'll do? I'll show up looking stunning and Draco will decide he doesn't want to marry her anyways, then we'll ride off into the sunset and everything will be perfect and he'll remember that time, eight years, two months, six days, fifteen hours, eleven minutes, and… eighteen seconds ago, back when the birds still sang, back when rainbows were colorful and people were happy and there was no war, yes; back when he was mine.

Stupid Astoria, she won't even see it coming. Draco will finally realize what a mistake he made, then we'll be perfect again.

Astoria, who can't get up stairs without tripping and who can't hold a conversation without losing her train of thought, yes, _that_ Astoria Greengrass; she can't even hold together a marriage.

And to think I used to be her friend.

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**Please leave any praise or complaint in a review! I'd love to see how I've done for my first shot at this... **

**Speaking of that, however, I do have a companion to this that I am thinking of turning into a full story, that I have yet to post. I'm not quite sure if I want to continue with this, so any response from you guys would be wonderful! **

**Set me up with your Author Alerts (I think that's what they're called?) if you're interested in more from me!**


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